Tag Archives: insane

The Story of Hermantown, and how I came to visit.

2 May

Today, I was eating lunch outside. I wanted to have a pizza party picnic in the grass. It was very sunny! I even brought along my friend Herman. He is so funny, but sometimes he acts a little strange.

Anyways, we were sitting there eating pizza, and everything was just Hunky-dory, then Herman yells, “Oh Gawd! They’re after me!” Standing up, he spills his pomegranate tea on the blanket. It looks like a blood stain. I swear that stain wasn’t there before!

I spill my tea to make Herman feel less guilty, then I stand up too. “Who is after you Herman?! What’s going on?!”

“THEY are after me.”

“…Who’s they?”

“The Horace Endel (Institute for) Young (People)!”

“…Wouldn’t that make it THEIYP?”

“Don’t ask questions! We must hide!”

So together me and Horace hid under the picnic blanket. It was very sticky though, and all the tea was dripping onto me. Not fun.

Outside, I heard a raven land. This was no ordinary raven though because it made the ground shake. There was a hole in the blanket, because it was very old, and I peeked through. A man and his servant had been riding upon it. His servant was actually called his henchman, but they are pretty much the same thing.

The man got off the raven. “Where is he?!” Horace shouted. Shouting was not really necessary though, so I could tell this man was the type that would yell all the time.

He Was Horace Endel. He had been forbidden to go into any library, anywhere. Not for yelling, but because he had a library book that was a thousand years overdue. How was it a thousand years overdue?

Horace Endel was actually a vampire!

Not the kind that sparkles though. The actual kind, that doesn’t sparkle. In fact,  one day, when Horace Endel was really bored, he got all the vampires that sparkle, and, using a gigantic cheese grater, turned them all into glitter.

(Because vampires have no blood, and are very dry in general, this process wasn’t very messy.)

To increase the ironic factor, he sold this glitter at a Twilight store in Forks. He called it, vampire glitter. Soon all the Twilight fans were wearing it.

Anyways, back to me and Herman.

“Where is he?!” Horace screamed, for the second time.

“He is obviously under that picnic blanket your Horace-ness.” said Horace’s henchmen, whom we will call Harry. (Just for the sake of having all other names start with H, you know.)

“Oh! What should we do with him?!” Horace screamed. (Don’t you think that Horace’s voice would get very hoarse from all that screaming and yelling? Get it? Horace…hoarse? Oh, nevermind.)

“Transport him to the isles of Sarah Palin ice-cream.”

“Good idea Harry, erm, Henchmen.”

With that, Harry took out his magical wand, and made a portal under the picnic blanket, and we then fell through it.

We landed in the isle of Sarah Palin ice-cream.

The reason why it was called the isle of Sarah Palin Ice-cream is because It was an island in the country of Alaska, where Palin had hidden all of the reallllyyy good ice-cream.

This was no punishment! Me and Herman ate all the ice-cream.

Then, we realized that The Isle of Sarah Palin Ice-cream was actually a man (or should I say woman) made island, directly on top of the lost city of Aplantis. (Not to be confused with the lost city of Atlantis.)

Herman surprised started looking very hard at something.

“What are you looking at?”

“My parents were banished to Aplantis, and they might still be there.”

“Let’s go look.”

 Right now we were standing on what the people of Aplantis would call the sky, since a big glass dome covered the whole entire city. Fortunately there was a trap-door.

Herman used to be super fat, so we used his old belt, that he brought in his backpack, to get down to the ground of the city.

He very shortly after, found his parents, and overcome with joy, the city of Aplantis changed its name to Hermantown.

Now that it wasn’t lost, Hermantown became as famous as Hawaii, and because  of its glass dome, even though it was in Alaska, it was very hot.

Also, now every year I come to visit, and Herman’s mother, Hailey makes us her best ham sandwiches.

As for Horace Engel, He went on to become the world’s greatest librarian. Also, his henchmen, Harry, went on to become the greatest wizard of all time.

~The End~

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